Helicopter-Style Parenting

This kind of parenting happens when you are constantly hovering over your children—always watching, controlling, and protecting them from every possible problem. While the intention may be love and care, the result is often the opposite. Overprotected children may grow up feeling more insecure and less confident in handling life’s challenges. Even as adults, they may continue to act like children, remaining dependent on their parents instead of learning to stand on their own.

Parenting Style

Barkada-Style Parenting

This happens when parents try to be their children’s close friends instead of their guiding authority. You avoid correcting or disciplining them because you fear losing their affection or approval. You want your children to like you, so you hesitate to set boundaries. But in the long run, this approach often leads to a loss of respect. Children need parents who will lovingly lead, not just companions who go along with everything they want.

Hands-Off Parenting

In this style, parents take a passive role in their children’s growth. You bring them to school and drop them off. You bring them to Sunday school and drop them off. Deep inside, you think it’s the school’s or the church’s job to raise your children. At home, you leave much of the care and attention to the yaya or others. But this kind of distance hinders intimacy. It prevents you from truly knowing your children—understanding their hearts, their struggles, and their dreams—because you are emotionally detached.

Drill Sergeant Parenting

This type of parenting is strict and controlling. You command rather than guide. Your word is law, and your primary tools are intimidation and fear. Children under this kind of leadership may obey outwardly, but their hearts often grow distant. Sooner or later, this approach breeds resentment and rebellion, as children long for respect, understanding, and love—not just authority.

Heart/Biblical Style Parenting

This is the balanced and godly approach to parenting. You build a genuine relationship with your children while also providing loving discipline. You are not afraid to correct them when necessary, yet your correction is guided by love, not anger. Because of this, your children respect you—not out of fear, but out of trust. They know your heart is for them, and that your goal is to help them grow in character and in their walk with God.

Prayer for Parenting

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for the precious gift of children. You have entrusted them to our care, not to control, but to guide; not to spoil, but to shape their hearts to know and love You.

Lord, give us wisdom to parent with both truth and grace. Help us to balance discipline with compassion, authority with gentleness, and correction with encouragement. Guard us from being overprotective, careless, or harsh. Instead, teach us to lead by example — to model faith, humility, and obedience before our children.

May our home be filled with love, forgiveness, and joy in Your presence. Help our children see Jesus in us, and may they grow to walk in His ways all the days of their lives.

We entrust our family to You, Lord. Be the center of our home and the Lord of our hearts.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

DEUTERONOMY 6:2 so that you and your son and your grandson might fear the Lord your God, to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command you, all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. 3 O Israel, you should listen and be careful to do it, that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly, just as the Lord, the God of your fathers, has promised you, in a land flowing with milk and honey. 4 “Hear, O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord is one! 5 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. 6 These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up.

The ultimate goal of parenting is to connect our children to the Lord—to help them know Him personally, love Him deeply, and follow Him faithfully for the rest of their lives. Before God led Israel into the Promised Land, He gave them timeless parenting principles. When God gives commands, they are never to restrict us but to bless us. His instructions are always for our good because He wants what is best for us.

Parenting begins with the heart. The heart determines the hands; it shapes our words, attitudes, and actions. As Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.” What fills our heart will eventually be seen in how we live. That’s why true discipleship—whether for our children or others—always focuses on the heart, not just on outward behavior.

God calls parents to teach His Word diligently, to talk about Him in daily life—at home, on the road, morning and night. The responsibility to teach children about God does not belong to the school or the church—it begins at home, with the parents. Teaching is not only through words but also through example. If you want to impact your children’s hearts, live out your faith before them. Model a love for God that is real, joyful, and consistent. When children see their parents loving and obeying God from the heart, they will be drawn to do the same.

Discipleship is the intentional process of leading people to a personal relationship with Jesus and helping them grow in Christlikeness, so that they, in turn, can lead others to know and follow Him.

PROVERBS 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.

Training goes beyond talking. Until your child has learned and lived out what you have taught, you have not truly trained—you have only talked. You may have instructed, lectured, or even preached, but training is more than words; it is guiding them until truth becomes practice, and knowledge becomes habit. True training happens when your children begin to live out the values you’ve modeled and taught from the heart.

How to Influence the Heart

1. BUILD RELATIONSHIP

1 CORINTHIANS 15:33 Do not be deceived: “Bad company corrupts good morals.”

Influence flows through relationship. The closer the relationship, the greater the influence. That’s why you must be intentional about where—and with whom—you spend your time. If bad company can corrupt good morals, then good company can also strengthen godly character.

Spend time with your children. Walk with your disciples. Share moments, conversations, and experiences that build connection and trust. The power of your influence is proportionate to the closeness of your relationship. The more quality time you spend together, the more their hearts open—and the more deeply your values and faith can take root in them.

True influence is not about instruction alone; it is about investment of presence, love, and time.

2. LISTEN

JAMES 1:19 This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; 20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.

The key to knowing the heart is listening. To influence someone’s heart, you must first understand it—and that begins with being quick to hear and slow to speak. Listen more, talk less. When you take time to truly listen, you begin to see what’s inside the heart of your children or those you lead. Listening opens a window into their struggles, fears, and desires. The more you listen, the more you understand them; and the more you understand them, the greater your influence will be.

Words may instruct, but listening connects. Influence begins not with speaking, but with hearing.

3. AFFIRMATION

EPHESIANS 4:29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.

The words we speak shape hearts and influence lives. Positive words bring life; negative words drain and damage the spirit. If you want to influence the heart, choose your words carefully. Speak to build up, not to break down. Speak words that affirm, not compare; words that give grace, not guilt.

PROVERBS 18:21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue…

Your words are powerful. Every word you speak carries the potential to give life or to bring harm. Words can build up or tear down, heal or wound, encourage or discourage.

If you want to influence the heart, choose life-giving words. Speak with kindness, truth, and grace. Use your words to strengthen, not to shame; to guide, not to gossip; to bless, not to break.

The heart responds to what it consistently hears. So fill your conversations with words that nurture faith, hope, and love—because what you speak can shape the hearts of those who listen.

MARK 1:11 … “You are My beloved Son, in You I am well-pleased.”

Just as the Father affirmed His Son with words of love, we too can shape lives by being present, listening well, and speaking life-giving words that reflect God’s heart.

4. BE A GOOD MODEL.

1 CORINTHIANS 11:1 Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.

The most effective way to influence the heart is through example. Children learn more from what they see than from what they hear. They will copy you—either positively or negatively.

Being a good model doesn’t mean being perfect; it means being authentic. Let them see your faith in action, your humility in failure, and your consistency in following Christ. Values are not merely taught—they are caught.

Your life speaks louder than your words. Live in such a way that those who watch you will be drawn not just to you, but to Christ living in you.

5. CAST VISION.

PROVERBS 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish

Vision shapes the heart. It gives direction, purpose, and meaning to life. Without vision, people lose focus and drift aimlessly. The greater the vision, the stronger the motivation to live rightly and pursue what truly matters.

If you want to influence the heart, cast vision. Paint a picture of a better life in Christ—a life of purpose, obedience, and joy. Help your children or disciples see what God wants to do in their life and through their life. Remind them that choices have consequences. We are free to choose, but not free to escape the results of our decisions. A clear vision of God’s greatness and His calling will guide their choices and guard their hearts.

HEBREWS 11:24 By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter, 25 choosing rather to endure ill-treatment with the people of God than to enjoy the passing pleasures of sin, 26 considering the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he was looking to the reward. 27 By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured, as seeing Him who is unseen.

The mother of Moses planted in him a vision of who God is and what God desired to do through his life. Though raised in Pharaoh’s palace, Moses never forgot his true identity as a child of God. When he grew up, that vision guided his choices—he gave up comfort, privilege, and pleasure to follow God’s purpose.

Moses was not foolish; he had faith that saw beyond the temporary. He valued the eternal over the earthly, the unseen over the visible. That is the power of a godly vision—it shapes values, directs decisions, and anchors the heart in what truly matters.

Parents, give your children a vision of God’s greatness and His calling for their lives. Teach them that they are here for a reason, sent by God for His purpose. And remember—everything begins with knowing Jesus. Until we know our heavenly Father, we will never understand why we are here on earth.

A Prayer to Influence the Hearts of My Children

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for entrusting me with the precious lives of my children. I know that true influence does not come from power or control, but from love, example, and Your Spirit working through me.

Lord, teach me to draw close to my children’s hearts. Help me to listen more and speak with grace. Let my words build up, not tear down; let my actions reflect the faith I long to see in them. May they see in me an authentic walk with You—one marked by humility, patience, and love.

Give me wisdom to cast vision into their lives—to show them who You are and what You desire to do in and through them. Help me guide them to make choices that honor You, even when the world pulls them in other directions.

Lord, may my home be filled with Your presence, my words with Your truth, and my heart with Your compassion. Use me as Your instrument to shape their hearts toward You, that they may grow to love, serve, and follow You all the days of their lives.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.