Self Control

TITUS 2:11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

If we are truly walking with the Spirit, our lives will naturally bear the fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. This is one fruit with nine beautiful attributes, reflecting the character of Christ within us. The genuine evidence that a person is filled with and led by the Holy Spirit is not found in outward performance or religious activity, but in the inward transformation that produces this fruit. You cannot manufacture this fruit by human effort; it must grow from within as the Spirit works in your heart, shaping you into the likeness of Jesus.

Just as Titus 2 reminds us, the grace of God not only brings salvation but also teaches and empowers us to say “no” to ungodliness and to live godly lives. When we walk in step with the Spirit, that same grace enables us to live with self-control, uprightness, and devotion to God—awaiting the blessed hope, the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.

PROVERBS 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.

It is impressive to possess strength, influence, or power—but if a person cannot control himself, all that power is meaningless. True greatness is not measured by the ability to conquer cities, but by the ability to conquer oneself. Overcoming anger, pride, and destructive habits is a far greater victory than any outward achievement.

God desires that we walk in self-control, not ruled by emotions or impulses, but guided by His Spirit. The one who rules his own spirit is indeed stronger than the one who takes a city, for self-mastery is evidence of the Spirit’s transforming work within. God calls us to live this way not out of mere duty, but out of genuine love for Him.

To live a life of self-control is to walk in the freedom and fullness that Christ offers—it is a key component of the abundant life and a powerful reflection of Jesus to the world around us.

2 TIMOTHY 3:1 …that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money… without self-control…

We are living in the last days—times marked by moral decline, selfishness, and a lack of restraint. The Bible warns that as the end approaches, people will increasingly be driven by their own desires rather than by devotion to God. Love for self and love for money will replace love for God and others.

1 THESSALONIANS 5:6 So then let us not sleep [in spiritual indifference] as the rest [of the world does], but let us keep wide awake [alert and cautious] and let us be sober [self-controlled, calm, and wise].

We need to wake up spiritually and stay alert, for it is easy to drift into complacency and lose control. When we are not watchful, we become vulnerable to temptation, deception, and spiritual laziness. God calls us to live with clear minds and disciplined hearts—awake, alert, and self-controlled. To be sober-minded is to live with spiritual awareness, guided by wisdom and the Holy Spirit, not by emotions or the distractions of this world.

2 PETER 1:4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;

God has already given us everything we need to live a godly life through His divine power. As we walk in His promises, we share in His nature and are freed from the corruption of worldly desires.

The Bible teaches that we are to be self-controlled—not merely do self-control. True self-control is not about human effort or willpower; it is the result of a life surrendered to the Holy Spirit. When we are filled with the Spirit, He produces His fruit within us, and self-control flows naturally from His presence. In reality, self-control is Spirit-control—the evidence of a life yielded to God’s power and aligned with His will.

1 CORINTHIANS 6:12 “I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.

As followers of Christ, we have freedom—but our freedom is not a license to indulge the flesh. The real question is not simply, “Can I do this?” but rather, “Is this beneficial? Will this master me?”

There are many things that are good in their proper place. Sleeping, for example, is a gift from God that restores our strength. But when we allow sleep to dominate our lives, it turns into laziness and robs us of purpose. The same is true with eating—food is a blessing, but when we overindulge, it becomes gluttony and leads us away from self-control.

We can do many things, but when anything begins to control us—when it masters our thoughts, habits, or desires—it becomes sinful. True freedom is not doing whatever we want; it is the ability, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to say no to anything that seeks to enslave us.

1. Meaning of Self-Control.

It refers to “one who holds himself in check; one who gets a grip on.” This is the virtue that gives victory over fleshly desires. Self-control requires great strength because the hardest person to say no to is yourself.

PROVERBS 25:28 Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.

In ancient times, cities were protected by strong walls that served as their main defense against enemies. A city with sturdy walls was secure and difficult to conquer. The Bible uses this image to describe the importance of self-control in our lives.

We are like a city. Our self-control is the wall that guards us. When that wall is broken down, we become vulnerable and defenseless. Without self-control, we are easily overcome by the attacks of the world, the temptations of Satan, and the desires of our own flesh.

A person without self-control leaves every gate open for destruction. But when we allow the Spirit of God to strengthen our inner walls, we can stand firm, resist temptation, and live in victory.

GALATIANS 5:19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

The Bible makes a clear contrast between the acts of the flesh and the fruit of the Spirit. The works of the flesh describe a lifestyle ruled by sinful desires—one that leads us away from God. As believers, we are not called to live that kind of life.

The truth is, we cannot control ourselves by our own strength. Human willpower alone is not enough. Biblical self-control does not mean relying on our own effort; it means bringing ourselves under the control of the Holy Spirit.

Self-control, then, is not merely difficult—it is impossible without God. True self-control is Spirit-control. It is the result of surrender, not struggle.

To live by the Spirit is to walk in continual dependence on Him—allowing Him to guide our thoughts, shape our attitudes, and strengthen our will. Only then can we truly bear the fruit of the Spirit, including self-control, and live in a way that pleases God.

ROMANS 7:18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh [my human nature, my worldliness—my sinful capacity]. For the willingness [to do good] is present in me, but the doing of good is not. 19 For the good that I want to do, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want.

Even the Apostle Paul, one of the greatest servants of God, admitted this inner struggle. He wanted to do what is right, yet he found himself unable to do it. He recognized that his human nature—his flesh—was weak and bound by sin.

Paul was not excusing his failure; he was describing the reality of the spiritual battle within every believer. The desire to do good was present, but the power to carry it out was not found in himself. His flesh was tied, enslaved, and powerless to obey God on its own.

Only when we yield ourselves to Christ can we experience true freedom. The more we depend on the Spirit, the less power the flesh has over us.

2. Marks of Self-Control.

JOHN 14:15 “If you [really] love Me, you will keep and obey My commandments.

True obedience flows from love. Jesus did not say, “Obey Me to prove your love,” but rather, “If you love Me, you will obey.” Love is the motive, and obedience is the result.

The power behind self-control is the Spirit of God, and its driving force is the love of God. When the Spirit fills our hearts with love for Christ, obedience ceases to be a burden—it becomes a joy.

The strength to obey God, to remain steadfast in love even when it requires great sacrifice, comes from the fruit of self-control living within us. Self-control keeps our hearts anchored in devotion, enabling us to say “no” to the flesh and “yes” to God.

A Spirit-controlled life is a love-controlled life. The more we love Jesus, the more we desire to please Him, and the more the Holy Spirit empowers us to live in obedience to His will.

1 SAMUEL 24:6 …“The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, to put out my hand against him, since he is the anointed of the Lord.”

There was a time when David showed remarkable self-control. While Saul was relentlessly pursuing him to take his life, David found Saul vulnerable in a cave—an opportunity to take revenge and end his suffering. Yet David refused to let his emotions, anger, or passion take control.

Instead, he chose to honor God’s authority and timing. Though his men urged him to strike Saul down, David restrained himself, saying, “The LORD forbid that I should do this.” His respect for God’s anointed and his obedience to God’s will prevailed over the temptation to take matters into his own hands.

This moment reveals true self-control—not weakness, but strength under the Spirit’s control. David’s decision teaches us that real victory is not in conquering others, but in conquering ourselves. When we allow the Spirit of God to rule over our impulses, we reflect a heart that fears God and trusts His perfect plan.

GENESIS 39:9 … How then could I do this great evil and sin against God [and your husband]?”

Joseph, the son of Jacob, stands as a powerful example of a man living under self-control. When faced with temptation from Potiphar’s wife, he did not waver in his devotion to the Lord. His response revealed not only his moral conviction but also the depth of his love for God.

Joseph’s words—“How then could I do this great evil and sin against God?”—show that his motivation for purity was not fear of punishment, but love and reverence for God. His self-control was rooted in his relationship with the Lord.

True self-control is not merely the ability to say no to sin, but the strength to say yes to God. Joseph’s love for God was greater than any desire of the flesh. He teaches us that the key to resisting temptation is not willpower alone, but a heart captivated by God’s love and guided by His Spirit.

PROVERBS 15:1 A soft and gentle and thoughtful answer turns away wrath…

God’s Word teaches us that how we respond matters as much as what we say. When faced with anger or conflict, we should respond with gentleness and humility, expressing our position with grace rather than hostility. A gentle answer has the power to calm tension and open hearts, while harsh words only fuel division.

However, there are times when the other person refuses to listen or reason. In such moments, silence becomes wisdom. When we choose silence, we are not showing weakness but surrendering the situation to God.

Silence is humility—it acknowledges that vengeance and defense belong to the Lord. Silence is also a shield; it guards our hearts from bitterness and keeps us from sinning with our words.

To remain calm and quiet in the midst of provocation is a mark of true self-control and spiritual maturity. When we trust God to defend us, our silence speaks louder than any argument ever could.

PROVERBS 13:3 The one who guards his mouth [thinking before he speaks] protects his life; The one who opens his lips wide [and chatters without thinking] comes to ruin.

Words have power—they can build up or destroy, heal or wound. That is why God calls us to guard our mouths and think before we speak. A person with self-control understands that silence or restraint can often speak louder than many words.

When the world attacks us, our self-control becomes our shield. Instead of reacting in anger or pride, we respond with peace and wisdom. Our calmness disarms conflict, and our silence allows God to work on our behalf.

Self-control is not weakness—it is strength under the Spirit’s guidance. It keeps us from saying things we might later regret and protects us from unnecessary harm. And in due time, God honors those who choose restraint over reaction.

When we let the Holy Spirit guard our lips, He fills our hearts with peace—and that peace becomes our greatest defense.

3. Mastering of Self-Control.

TITUS 1:7 For the overseer must be above reproach as God’s steward… 8 but hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled,

The Apostle Paul wrote this letter to his disciple Titus, who was serving as pastor of the church in Crete. Crete was a small island known in ancient times for its corruption and indulgence. It was a center of worldly pleasure—filled with drinking, immorality, and wild living.

In such a place, the call to live a godly and disciplined life was not easy. Yet Paul emphasized that a leader in God’s church must stand out as different—above reproach, self-controlled, and devoted to what is good.

TITUS 2:2 Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. 3 Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. 4 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled…

6 Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled.

11 For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. 12 It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, 13 while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ, 14 who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good.

This passage gives us God’s solution for our out-of-control lives. It reminds us that self-control is not something we can achieve by human effort or willpower. It is not enough to simply try harder. We desperately need God’s power and God’s grace.

The key to mastering self-control is grace—God’s unearned, undeserved favor poured out on sinners like us. Grace is not only the means of our salvation; it is also the power that transforms our lives.

1. God’s grace redeems us.
Through Jesus Christ, God paid the price for our sin and freed us from the bondage of ungodliness. Grace delivers us from the penalty and power of sin, making us new creations in Christ.

2. God’s grace reforms us.
Grace does more than forgive—it changes us from the inside out. It gives us a new attitude, a new ambition, and a new appetite for righteousness. The Holy Spirit works through grace to teach us to say “No” to worldly passions and “Yes” to godly living.

3. God’s grace rewards us.
We live in the present age with our eyes fixed on the future—on the blessed hope of Christ’s return. His coming is our greatest reward and ultimate motivation. Instead of living for the temporary pleasures of today, we live for eternity, longing for the glory that will be revealed when Jesus returns.

Grace saves us, strengthens us, shapes us, and sustains us. The more we depend on God’s grace, the more we will experience true self-control—and the more our lives will reflect the character of Christ.

How to change your life by the power of the Holy Spirit.

1. Admit you have a problem with self-control. And then yield to the Holy Spirit, surrender.

GALATIANS 5:16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

This is a gradual process. As we yield to the Holy Spirit each day, He works in us little by little, transforming our hearts and helping us overcome the desires of the flesh.

2. Cultivate the disciplines of bible reading and prayer.

PSALM 1:2 but whose delight is in the law of the Lord, and who meditates on his law day and night.

As you delight in and richly dwell on God’s Word, it begins to shape your heart, renew your mind, and direct your actions. Your life becomes an outflow of what God is teaching and planting within you.

3. Invest in spiritual friendships.

ECCLESIASTES 4:10 If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Surround yourself with people who will walk with you in faith — a mentor, a discipler, or a trusted friend. Invest in spiritual friendships that will strengthen your walk with God, encourage you in times of weakness, and help you grow in your faith.

4. Remove bad influence.

1 CORINTHIANS 15:33 … “Bad company corrupts good character.”

It’s not wrong to spend time with friends who are not yet committed to God, but be mindful of how much time and influence you allow. Instead of being pulled away from your convictions, stand firm in your faith so that your life influences them, not the other way around.

5. Practice good habits.

JOB 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.

To overcome bad habits, you must intentionally cultivate good ones. Like Job, make firm commitments and set boundaries that honor God and guard your heart.

A Prayer for Transformation

Heavenly Father,

I come to You with a humble heart, admitting that I need Your help. I confess my struggles with self-control and the areas of my life that do not honor You. Today, I surrender to the power of Your Holy Spirit.

Fill me with Your presence and strength. Teach me to walk in the Spirit daily, to delight in Your Word, and to cultivate a deeper relationship with You through prayer. Surround me with godly friends who will encourage and strengthen my faith. Remove every bad influence that pulls me away from You and give me the wisdom to walk in righteousness.

Help me to practice good habits that reflect Your character. Transform my heart, renew my mind, and shape my life according to Your will. May everything I do bring glory to Your Name.

In Jesus’ Name, Amen.